How Your Friends’ Strengths Influence Your Success—And What to Do About It
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to effortlessly attract opportunities, while others work just as hard but struggle to get noticed? According to Connected by Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler, the answer might not be all about how hard your work—your success may be more about where you stand in your social network.
I REALLY enjoyed reading Connected—not just because it explains how social networks shape our lives, but all 5 of my top CliftonStrengths®—Intellection, Input, Learner, Adaptability, and Connectedness—were engaged the whole time! The more I read, the more I saw a direct link between our strengths and where we naturally land in a network.
How Your Network Shapes Your Success—Even Three Degrees Away!
One of the book’s most fascinating ideas is the Three Degrees of Influence Rule—what happens in your network doesn’t just affect you...it extends outward through three degrees of separation, influencing people you may never even meet. Your friend’s friend’s friend can influence your happiness, health, and success—even if you’ve never met them.
This realization shifts the way we think about success. Your network position isn’t just a background factor—it’s a key predictor of success, influence, and even happiness. Christakis’ research shows that where you sit in a network determines how opportunities, ideas, and even emotions flow to you. This got me thinking—not only do networks shape how we connect and interact, but they also shape the way we experience success based on where we naturally fit within them. I saw a clear link between network position and how our strengths determine the roles we naturally gravitate toward.
Where Your Strengths Place You in Your Network—And How to Use That to Your Advantage
If we light a tree on fire, whether it turns into a massive wildfire or just burns out on its own depends on factors like proximity to other trees, the dryness of the terrain, and the density of the forest. Some environments are primed for fire to spread rapidly, while others smother it before it can take hold. Just as fire needs the right conditions to spread, influence depends on the structure of the network around it. So "whether influential people can exercise influence at all may depend entirely on the precise structure of the network in which they find themselves." People with strong Influencing strengths in CliftonStrengths—if they’re disconnected from a network where their strengths can spread, they may struggle to make an impact. However, when placed in the right environment, their influence can cascade outward, much like the Three Degrees of Influence suggest.
This really made me start to consider how our strengths determine where we naturally fit in our social networks. Some of us gravitate to the core, actively engaging and influencing, while others prefer the edges, where they observe, process insights, and contribute in more indirect but valuable ways. Many act as bridges, connecting different groups and facilitating the exchange of ideas and relationships. So, if you’re not making the impact you want, the problem may not be your skills but where you’re applying them.
This led me to a realization: The way we naturally fit into networks isn’t random—it might actually be shaped by our strengths. Our strengths influence how we interact and connect with others, where we gravitate within social structures, and ultimately, how visible and impactful we become.
Influencing Strengths (like Communication®, Woo®, Activator®): These people are built for the center of networks. They thrive when they have a broad reach and can persuade, inspire, or rally others. If they’re struggling to stand out, they should go where their influence is needed—look for leadership roles, speaking opportunities, or mentorship positions where their ability to energize and inspire is valued.
Relationship-Building Strengths (like Empathy®, Connectedness®, Developer®): These people create dense, tight-knit networks. They may not always be at the center, but they hold groups together, strengthening trust and cohesion. If they want to stand out, they should get comfortable sharing their value—start telling stories about how they help people, rather than assuming others notice their behind-the-scenes efforts.
Strategic Thinking Strengths (like Intellection®, Learner®, Ideation®): These people often sit at the edges, observing patterns, thinking deeply, and providing insight. Without connection, they risk feeling isolated, but with the right bridges, they become the wise advisors who shape big decisions. To increase their impact, they should engage in thought leadership by writing, blogging, or participating in discussions where their insights can gain visibility and traction.
Executing Strengths (like Achiever®, Discipline®, Responsibility®): These people thrive when they’re embedded in strong, action-oriented teams. They don’t need to be the center, but they need networks where getting things done is valued and recognized. To step into greater influence, they should collaborate with Influencers and Strategists—find people with Influencing or Strategic Thinking Strengths to help amplify and position their contributions for broader recognition.
Strengths Blindness: Are You in the Wrong Role Without Realizing It?
This also explains why some people struggle to stand out and might feel overlooked. Strengths blindness occurs when we’re unaware of how our unique talents shape the way we naturally fit into a network. If we don’t recognize our strengths, we may try to force ourselves into roles or environments that don’t align with who we truly are.
Each of us has a unique set of strengths, forming a pattern that influences how we connect with others—almost like a constellation. My own constellation of strengths often places me in a "decently connected loner" position. My Intellection®, Input®, and Learner® could easily keep me at the farthest edges of a network, lost in books and ideas, never surfacing. But my Adaptability® and Connectedness® pull me back in, making sure I stay engaged with the people who help me grow and make an impact.
Like stars in a constellation, our strengths form a pattern that is uniquely ours. That pattern usually doesn’t change much, but just like puzzle pieces, our strengths must find the right fit among others to create something greater than ourselves. Finding the right relationships, teams, and environments where our strengths complement others and create the most impact is key. CliftonStrengths® research shows that leveraging your natural strengths in the right context amplifies your effectiveness, much like Christakis' findings on social positioning. If you feel like you're not getting noticed, it might not be about working harder—it might be a network problem.
How to Align Your Strengths & Network for Maximum Growth
Understanding your strengths + network position can completely transform how you approach growth and success. Ask yourself:
Where am I naturally positioned in my network?
Do I have the connections that amplify my strengths—or stifle them?
If I’m feeling stuck, do I need to change my network or leverage my strengths differently?
Success isn’t just all about pushing harder—it’s about understanding both your strengths and your network position, then aligning them for maximum impact. As Donald Clifton emphasized, self-awareness is the key to growth, and as Christakis demonstrated, the right connections amplify that growth. If you’re in the wrong place, no amount of effort will make the difference you’re looking for. But if you align your strengths with the right network, opportunities will find you.
The One Question That Determines Whether You Stand Out or Stay Stuck
Struggling to stand out? Step back and ask: Are you positioned in a way that lets your strengths get noticed and create real impact? Stop pushing in the wrong place. Shift your focus to where your strengths can actually gain momentum.
Consider your own network:
Are you at the center, influencing and connecting?
Are you on the fringe, observing but struggling to engage?
Are you bridging groups, creating opportunities for yourself and others?
If you’re not where you want to be, you can work smarter by strategically aligning your strengths with the right network to create real impact.
If you're interested, you can purchase Connected by Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler on Amazon.
Want to go from Strengths Blindness to Strengths Spotting? Purchase a CliftonStrengths® assessment code at StrengthsWorthDeveloping.com/assessments and start seeing yourself—and your world—in a whole new way.
I’d love to hear your thoughts! How do your strengths shape where you land in your social circles, workplace, or industry? Drop a comment or share your perspective!